dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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