Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
