those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
now i know why i became what i already was.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
