You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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