I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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