Pappa wants mamma naked
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
