I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
