Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
