i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
