i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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