She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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