Pants 0. Shit 1.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
