he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
