"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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