dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
