tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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