I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
