Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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