you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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