Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
