I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
