Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
