i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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