I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
