Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
