i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
