I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
