I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
