I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
