i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
