i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
