Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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