Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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