I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
