Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
