And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
