I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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