He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
