I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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