Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
