Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
