i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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