I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
