this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
