she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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