I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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