just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
