I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
FUCK WHALES
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
