Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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