Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
