im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
